60 Minute Getaway to Aruba on Less than $5!
OK, full disclosure: I’m a comedian and the fine people of Holland America gave me a ride onboard the MS Rotterdam. Transportation getting to Aruba is not included in this $5 getaway.
What you will need:
Bottle of water
2. Sunscreen already applied (we only have an hour)
3. Bathing suit on under my shorts
4. Only an hour and $5 to see Aruba and get back to the ship with an hour to spare (You don’t want to get a great picture of your ship sailing away).
12:30 PM: Leave ship at the perfect time for your adventure in Aruba; make sure it feels hot enough to melt the sunglasses off your face. If you walk at a decent pace it will take five minutes to reach the main street. Take a right.
12:35 PM: Take photo opportunity of the small, quaint, colorful market filled with nothing I want.
12:40 PM: Stop at the casino and put $1 into the $1 slot machine. Pull lever. Lose. Could be a record of the most profitable financial experience I have had in a casino.
12:42 PM: I’m back on the street and making a good time. Stop to take pictures of giant Aruba sign as more proof I’m having a better time then my friends back home.
12:50 PM: I find an ancient communication device still in use on the Island of Aruba.
12:55 PM: While on safari (walking across grass) I get a picture of an Iguana and feel like the Crocodile Hunter, before his horrific demise.
1:00 PM: Walk around the beautiful hotel I have no business being in. Take pictures of the beautiful salt-water lagoon.
1:05 PM: Find swimming pool. Jump in and get a picture taken. I make sure to be close to the wall to camouflage less than washboard abs. Take pictures of pool bar to create the illusion that I was drinking there, and obviously having much more fun than anyone in cold climates.
1:15 PM: Take pictures of pelicans and start heading back towards the ship. Stuff shorts into backpack hoping they’ll air dry – no time for messing about.
1:20 PM: Take picture of charter fishing boat, but suddenly realize what kind of charter I’d get for four bucks and in about three minutes.
1:25 PM: Pick up the pace and take pictures of Hard Rock Cafe. Regret the fact that I won’t be able to experience this deep cultural connection to the Island of Aruba.
1:26 PM: Make corner and speed walk back towards the ship. Try to ignore the reality of how silly people look when they speed walk.
1:29 PM: Make it back to ship. The whole tour took 59 minutes and cost me only $1, leaving me $4 for Grand Cayman!