I do not like them in the house:
· In the Senate chamber during filibuster Senator Ted Cruz started reading “Green Eggs and Ham,” aloud. Finally something all the senators can claim they have read.
Sweet Smelling Ships:
· Images of passengers stranded at sea for days, as toilets back have been enough to keep vacationers away from Carnival Cruise Lines. Who doesn’t want to spend their vacation on a floating port-a-potty?
Congratulations:
· A 99-year-old Iowa woman who dropped out of a high school more than 80 years ago has finally received her diploma, still no word on prom date.
Eyes on Road:
· Governor Cuomo announced that the state would be adding 300 signs for “Texting Zones” along the busy New York State Thruway, great something else to read instead of watching the road.
Science of Dance:
· Bill Nye ‘‘The Science Guy’’ was injured during ‘‘Dancing With the Stars’’ proving it is tough dancing in a lab coat.
Foliage:
· The latest reports show parts of New Hampshire are nearing peak foliage. In three weeks you can admire leaves with a rake.
Yoga on Horseback:
· Newest fitness craze is yoga on Horseback. You can’t believe the positions you can achieve with stretching while being trampled by a horse.
The Dark Force:
· Actor Mark Hamill is 62 today for his birthday his father will buy him a death star.
Painted lady:
· Miley Cyrus Shows Off Rolling Stone Tattoo on Feet After Going Topless on Cover: Hey at least she’s not singing.
The Finger:
· Miley Cyrus raps in new video. She rapping now she did it she made me miss the foam finger.
Smaahht Cahhhs:
· Massachusetts: worst drivers claim based on highest rate of auto accidents. You try driving twenty miles and hour over limit while texting, guzzling coffee and passing in the emergency lane.
Here comes the judge:
· Charlie sheen was dismissed from Jury duty when he kept sitting at defendants table.
High Teck:
· 28% of IT pros hide their career from friends and family to get out of giving free tech support! #rotten kids
English:
· China has more English speakers than the United States. That will come in handy when they try to get us to pay the Deficit back.
Fat Fish:
· The Black Swallower fish can eat prey twice its own length and 10 times its weight! Much like Michael Moore.
Yoga on Horseback:
· Newest fitness craze is yoga on Horseback. You can’t believe the positions you can achieve with stretching while being trampled by a horse.
Tiger Blood:
· Charlie sheen was dismissed from Jury duty, winning!