Beep Beep:
- Justice Department to honor legalization of marijuana use while looking into arms sales by ACME Corporation to coyote and hunting permit for road runner.
Smart Phones:
- People are all ready getting in lines for new iphone proving you don’t have to be smart to buy a smart phone.
Clint Eastwood Divorced:
- Dina Eastwood filed for legal separation from Clint Eastwood after 17 years of marriage, well ladies you have to ask your self something do you feel lucky?
Chemical war:
- John Kerry said yesterday “This initiative has the potential to remove the threat of chemicals without the use of force.” But enough about Lamar Odom.
Kimmel Confesses:
- Jimmy Kimmel confessed to being the prankster behind a staged twerking accident video, remember when we called twerking doggy style.
Speedy Government:
- President Barack Obama has postponed a Congress vote on military action in Syria thank God some one-stepped in to slow down congress.
Boston’s Topics
Never find a Cop:
- Boston police are searching for suspects Wednesday after an armed robbery at a Dunkin’ Donuts. If the police can’t keep the donuts safe what chance do we have?
Hyannis Lobster:
- A six-clawed lobster was caught off shore in Hyannis. “That’s as rare as seeing a Yale man.” (Thurston Howell III)
Present:
- Democratic hopefuls for Markey’s seat discuss a variety of issues in evening forum, stake out pledges to vote present.
Small Attack:
- Secretary of State John Kerry says any attack against Syria will be unbelievably small. Has US has finally developed the stealth water balloon?
Angry Fonts:
- Governor Patrick said he no longer supports a new tax on computer software services. After receiving 30,000 emails in all capital letters.
Tap Water:
- 25 percent of the bottled water sold in the U.S. comes from municipal water supplies. That’s it I’m going back to drinking from hose.
Bunny in Disneyland:
- Playboy Bunny Holly Madison got married inside Disneyland last week. Nothing says marriage like waiting for hours to get on ride then being to tired to enjoy it.
Pigs in Space:
- This December, NASA will begin its first-ever attempt to grow sustainable food supplies in space; I wonder how much it costs to send manure into space?
Honey Moons Over:
- A Montana newlywed has been charged with murder after admitting she shoved her husband off a cliff eight days into their marriage, authorities say. He failed to correctly answer the question be honest do these jeans make me look fat?