Stand Up Ship:
- Cruise Costa Concordia Rises in 60 Seconds, after engineers gave it one large blue pill.
Sign zee papers:
- Obama administration approved extending minimum wage to home health care workers who help the elderly and disabled. They will still be able to with hold food and meds in exchange for signing over real estate.
Double-barreled latte:
- Starbucks says guns are no longer welcome in its cafes, though it is stopping short of an outright ban on firearms. “I’ll have a double Latte and a bullet proof best please.”
Bed rest:
- NASA wants to pay you $17,000 to stay in bed for 90 straight days. Are they planning on launching 20 year olds into space?
Steal American:
- Honda Accord, topped the list of most frequently stolen cars, doesn’t anyone steal American anymore?
Brittany’s kiss:
- Brittany Spears first Kiss was when she was thirteen. As you know she saved herself until she was thirteen, then she waiting to go insane until 14.
Dunkin Donuts:
- Starbucks has ended Morning Joe if Captain Morgan sponsors edit would the name of the show be Morning hangover?
Most Valuable Diplomas:
- The New England schools top 100 lists for pay scales when graduating is out. Spoiler alert Bunker Hill Community college did not make list.
Taxachucetts:
- A website made $20,000 for Glen James, A homeless man who returned a backpack with $40,000 in money and travelers checks.Of coursed after taxes he’ll be lucky if he can afford an empty back pack.
Follow Up The Funny
Cheeseburger Day:
- It’s National Cheeseburger Day! Which means pig out today or the terrorists have all ready won
Man with everything:
- Robert Blake is 80 today. What do you buy the man who already got away with murdering his wife?
Zac Attack:
- Zac Efron Allegedly Went To Rehab For Cocaine Addiction now he needs to marry a Kardashian.
Gun Control:
- Suspect from the Navy Yard shooting was stopped from buying an assault rifle by a Virginia law, officials said. I told you I said so see gun control works.
Violent Game:
- A man was hit with a brick and stabbed before being robbed of the new Grand Theft Auto V video game in north London. Wow this game is realistic!
Space Odyssey:
- As the Voyager spacecraft near the solar system’s outer limits, the voyager is still able to look back and identify the Great Wall of China and Chris Christie eating fried dough.
Brother can you spare a dime:
- The number of Americans in poverty rose slightly last year to 46.5 million, according to US Census data. Come on in under water is fine.
News To Me
Getting it up:
- Cruise Costa Concordia Rises in 60 Seconds, which is more then you can say for most of its passengers.
MSNBC:
- ‘Honey Boo Boo’ finale gets 3.2 million viewers that beat MSNBC! Maybe Honey Boo Boo should co-host with Rachel Maddow.
Cher touring:
- Cher’s back with, post-Farewell tour, talk about fifty shades of grey.
Dr.Willy:
- Snoop Lion posed with a pound of marijuana he won betting on the Meriwether fight. It’s medicinal claims Dr. Willy Nelson.